


Unexpected Vacation

by miera



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Animal Transformation, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:51:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Weir and Sheppard end up on a sort of holiday, unintentionally. For melyanna's birthday. I'm totally and shamelessly ripping off my own story "Zootopia."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unexpected Vacation

Ronon had become adept at not fidgeting over the years, but he felt like it now. There was a lot of game on this planet, but it wasn't anywhere near by, and since there was no sign of other life on the surface, he didn't have much to do.

And Weir was still staring at the obelisk in amazement, working on the translation of the Ancestor's writing along the edges. Sheppard, as usual, was hovering around her. Sheppard didn't like it when Weir was off-world. Given some of the things that had happened when she was off-world with them, Ronon didn't really blame him.

He stretched his back out a little. At least they were outside, not stuck in a puddle jumper.

Sheppard was asking something. Weir answered. He pointed and she yelled, "No, don't!" just before a bright flash of light came out of the stone and enveloped them.

Everyone blinked. Ronon had his gun up and primed without thinking, but there was nothing there.

Not even Weir and Sheppard.

"Oh no," McKay said.

Teyla warily took a step closer, looking down. Ronon followed her gaze and saw what looked like two Atlantis uniforms crumpled on the ground.

One of them started moving. Teyla jumped back.

A furry head emerged from under the uniform, followed by a dark brown body and a tail. The dog shook itself and looked around, startled.

The rest of the team just stood there and gaped.

The other uniform began to wriggle and two pointed ears and a whiskered face struggled out from one of the sleeves. When the cat was finally free of the material, it let out a plaintive meow.

Which was a bad tactical move. The dog took one look at the cat and started barking. The cat's survival instinct kicked in and it pelted towards the nearest tree and dashed up the trunk, the dog right on its heels.

The dog hit the tree bark and futilely tried to climb up after the cat, but just sank back to the ground. The cat hissed, the dog barked and Ronon finally shook off the shock and grabbed the dog by the scruff of the neck and tugged it back. The animal finally sat back on its haunches, looking up in the tree.

Teyla and McKay were having a hasty discussion about what to do next. Ronon kept a wary eye on their teammates.

After a minute, the dog let out an inquisitive "arf?" sound at the cat.

The two animals eyed one another some more. Then the cat began to pick its way down the tree. Cautiously, it hit the ground and began to move towards the dog. Ronon tightened his hold, aware that Rodney and Teyla were watching nervously. If the dog bolted for the cat again...

But the dog leaned down low to the ground, ears up. Its tail wagged once.

The cat leaned forward and sniffed.

The two of them were almost nose to nose when the dog let out a happy yelp and gave the smaller animal an enthusiastic lick across the face. The force of it nearly knocked the cat to the side and resulted in a long, angry period of hissing.

The dog's tail drooped a little.

***

Lorne remained calm when he was summoned to the Control Room and found Ronon holding onto a shaggy looking dog and Teyla with her arms full of a cat and McKay bellowing for Zelenka and generally flailing around like he usually did when something very not good had just happened.

He was calm as they went through the steps of having their transformed COs examined by Beckett (who kept muttering about not being a bloody veterinarian).

He did rub his chin a little when McKay pointed out that aside from Dr. Weir, their best translator was currently back on Earth on leave. Not to mention Weir didn't leave a lot of notes so the translation was basically starting from scratch. But he organized the replacement team immediately.

He only smiled a little when Teyla volunteered McKay to take care of the cat, since he had often expressed sorrow at losing the pet cat he kept on Earth. McKay was still standing there with his mouth open when Teyla left the infirmary.

He watched silently when McKay headed for his lab with the cat, and the dog growled at Ronon for restraining him. The dog was trying to chase after McKay. Then the cat let out a long meow and the dog stopped. Lorne just blinked for a minute and then left the infirmary.

He decided there was no rational reason to inform Stargate Command about this just yet, since Weir and Sheppard's condition might be reversible.

But when he was alone, Lorne scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned. What was it with this galaxy anyway?

***

Rodney only tried once to get someone else to take care of Elizabeth. He was telling one of the female scientists that he had important work to do, etc. when the cat in his arms raised her hackles and hissed at him.

He'd seen that exact look on Elizabeth's face enough times to know what it meant. He sighed, muttered a "never mind" and took the animal with him to the lab. He put her down on the workbench and waved a finger. "Now, be careful. Don't break anything."

"Um, Rodney? Is that-" Radek asked.

"What? You've never seen a cat before?" he snapped back half-heartedly.

"But how did you-"

"Teyla."

"Oh."

Radek subsided, still looking at the cat. Elizabeth picked her way across the table, sniffing occasionally at various things, before she sauntered up to Radek. She let out a friendly meow and sat down, curling her tail around her front paws. Radek reached out a hand hesitantly and then petted her head. The cat arched up under the touch.

Radek looked up and his cheeks turned pink when he realized Rodney was glaring at him. "What?"

Rodney just glared harder.

Radek stopped petting the cat, who twitched her tail and looked at Rodney, irritated.

***

McKay and the others kept wondering if the animals were still thinking like humans and just trapped in animal bodies. Ronon thought the way the dog had instinctively chased after the cat at first should've given them that answer. But it was clear the animals recognized their people. Sheppard stuck close by Ronon after Beckett not-so-politely demanded the furry, germ-laden dog and cat leave his sterile infirmary and fast.

Teyla had successfully dumped Weir on McKay, and Lorne had to get things moving to get them switched back. Ronon and Sheppard looked at each other for a minute.

"You wanna go for a run?"

The enthusiastic bark he got in response was good enough for him.

 

***

Radek left Rodney alone in the lab to get food. They hadn't made much progress on the Ancient device, largely because they were guessing blindly at the functionality of the few elements they could detect. Really, the only thing that was going to get Elizabeth and Colonel Sheppard back to themselves was finishing the translation.

Elizabeth stretched idly. She'd been sleeping more or less all afternoon, sacked out on the lab bench between him and Radek. At least she was getting some rest.

"I don't suppose you could, say, finish the translation by using Morse code or something?" Rodney asked.

The cat blinked and swished her tail lazily.

"I didn't think so."

He put the rough schematic aside and pulled over some other paperwork. Elizabeth had other ideas. She padded over to him and leaped right into his lap.

"Woah, hey, wait a minute," he protested.

She ignored him, curling herself up comfortably. Then she butted his arm with her head.

"All right, all right," he muttered, giving in. He cautiously scratched her ears. She leaned into his fingers and before long Rodney was stroking his hand all the way down the animal's back. Elizabeth's tail waved back and forth happily and Rodney swallowed his embarrassment.

Then she rolled over onto her back, paws outstretched. Rodney sighed and started rubbing her stomach. "I really hope you don't remember this and charge me with sexual harassment or something," he mumbled.

Elizabeth purred, loudly.

 

***

As Lorne tossed the tennis ball across the room and watched the dog chase after it, he wondered if playing fetch with his CO constituted insubordination.

Sheppard retrieved the ball and brought it to him, dropped it and wagged his tail.

Screw it. The Uniform Code couldn't possibly cover situations where your CO had been transmogrified into a dog. He threw the ball again.

Of course, the Uniform Code maybe wasn't necessary when you had Teyla around. She stood in the open doorway, her arms folded over her chest in a very good imitation of Dr. Weir when she was pissed, and glared at him.

When Sheppard went bounding up to her, tail wagging madly, Lorne decided to pretend he was totally fine. After all these years with the Stargate program, he was getting pretty good at it.

"Colonel Sheppard will spend the night with Ronon," Teyla said, her expression telling him that she wasn't buying his display of confidence for a second.

She left, Sheppard tagging along and Lorne looked down. "And I've got dog hair all over me."

 

***

Rodney was stretched out on the bed, feet propped up and reading one of the piles of journal articles he usually couldn't get to. Radek had been the one to point out that Elizabeth shouldn't spend the whole night on a table in the lab, so Rodney had gone back to his quarters. He managed to rig up a relatively decent cat bed out of towels, though whether Elizabeth would use it was another story.

His furry charge was at the moment playing "stalk and pounce" around his quarters with some thing that looked vaguely like a string of feathers. Or had. He didn't know where it had come from and he hoped he didn't find out, because Elizabeth's claws were, predictably, very sharp.

She was a very beautiful cat, really, Rodney thought as she declared victory over the string once again, green eyes flashing from the black coat of fur.

The cat's head snapped to the door and she put her ears back just before the chime rang. Then there was a frantic sound of scratching.

Rodney had barely hit the door release when a large ball of brown fur dashed into the room. He just managed to register Teyla and Ronon in the hallway, too busy worrying that Sheppard was about to maul Elizabeth.

But the cat was hovering low near the floor, ready to fight, and the dog skidded to a halt, panting. His tail gave a hesitant wag and the cat relaxed.

"He would not calm down," Teyla explained, coming into the room. "Ronon tried to get him to settle for the night, but nothing would work."

"He scratched up the inside of my door pretty good," Ronon added laconically.

"When we tried to take him for a walk, he came straight here..."

The explanation trailed off as the three of them stared. The dog nuzzled the cat and then the cat brushed up against the dog's front, tail curling around the dog's nose briefly. Rodney could've sworn he heard purring.

The dog then jumped up onto Rodney's bed, turned around a few times, and laid himself down. The cat leaped up gracefully and began kneading the sheets around until she made herself comfortable against the dog's side.

"Hey!" Rodney protested. "That's my bed," he waved helplessly.

The dog looked at him and Rodney could just imagine the slightly whining tone of voice. "Come on, Rodney. We've been turned into animals for the whole day and you can't handle losing your bed for a night?"

"It appears they would like to stay together for the night. We will leave them with you," Teyla said. Rodney rolled his eyes at the way she and Ronon disappeared so fast.

***

All things considered, Elizabeth knew this whole adventure could have been much worse. Other than the inconvenience of losing a couple days, and some inappropriate grinning, no one had been hurt, nothing catastrophic had happened. They hadn't stumbled upon any new fearfully powerful enemies.

She could've lived without finding herself standing stark naked in the middle of a rather chilly field. Especially given the way some of the male pairs of eyes didn't look away from her nude body quite fast enough to avoid getting caught.

Still, if the only thing hurt in all this was her dignity, they probably got off easy.

John rang the door chime and waited until she could open the door and let him in. They'd figured out a while back that him trying to be stealthy about getting into or out of her quarters was far more likely to draw attention. However, if he rang the bell and waited like he was expected and walked out (fully clothed) like it was no big deal... then people were more likely to assume it was no big deal.

So she let him in and went back to folding the pile of laundry that was on the bed. Belatedly she realized he was staring at her. "What?"

"You did laundry?" he asked, eyeing her with his hands on his hips.

She grinned. "Apparently at some point Rodney informed me, the cat-me, that the price for him feeding me was that I would wash the animal hair off his clothes."

John sighed, walking up behind her and running his hands along her back. "I walk in to find you doing another man's laundry." He nuzzled her neck. "If I were a less secure man..."

"Like you didn't have to fix the scratches you left on Ronon's door?" she murmured.

She felt him smile against her skin. Then he pulled back to look at her. "You look... rested."

She blinked. "I guess I am." She leaned into his arms. "It was kind of nice, you know? Nothing to do but eat and sleep." And be petted and cuddled, she thought but didn't say aloud. No sense giving John any more ideas, especially involving Rodney petting her.

John chuckled. "Yeah, pretty much all I remember is 'Eat now? Sleep now? Play now?' And the urge to water the bushes a lot." He nibbled her ear lightly. "Maybe next time you need a vacation we could go back?"

Elizabeth smiled. John's hands moved down from her waist and she gasped lightly.

"Though if we did that, I hope we'd both be dogs. Or cats," he added, and she could hear the lascivious smirk in his voice.

She paused. "I can't decide if that's sweet or disturbing."

John leaned his chin against her shoulder momentarily. "I'm going with both."

Before she could say anything else, he spun her around and kissed her, slow and deep. His hands held her tight, warm against her backside, and Elizabeth admitted to herself that there definitely were advantages to being the same species.

John leaned down and swept the folded laundry off the bed and to the floor. Elizabeth squawked in protest, but he just lifted her up enough to toss her onto the bed. Flat on her back, he crawled on top of her, kissing the sliver of bare belly below her shirt before biting her breast lightly through the fabric of her shirt. She gasped, letting her fingers drift into his hair. But when he was hovering over her, she pulled a stern face. "John? Some of that laundry was mine."

If he'd still had the tail, it would've been drooping. "Crap."

***

Rodney looked at the picture on his laptop. He'd only showed it to Radek and they both agreed not to share it, for Elizabeth's sake. At least, not until they found themselves in need of some kind of leverage over Sheppard.

The brown dog was curled up on Rodney's bed. In the protective circle of the dog's legs, a small black cat was sleeping, head on one of the dog's paws.


End file.
